Why do I feel the inability to sit still? Why do I want to push myself and try and improve who I am? Life would be a lot simpler if I couldn't be bothered and sat around watching films. I've tried that recently, I was training for a half marathon and the few days before I sat around to rest, I found myself agitated and unable to function I couldn't climb(I also had a back injury I needed to rest) I just sat playing guitar. This has lead to me thinking a lot about what makes me function. I have recently been lacking motivation to try and excel at my guitar playing. I think this is because I have reached a level some part of my brain deems acceptable. So therefore my attention has been diverted to the things I can't do, which is climb well. This has got me questioning my motives not in a bad way just a curiosity to understand why I am who I am.
 |
| Why would anyone want to do this? I've done it 3 times. Photo Freddie Waters |
I am no psychology student I'm a musician and climber. I have been wondering why I climb, remembering times I got angry because I couldn't do a route, wondering why I was frustrated I couldn't climb a bit of stone. I first thought is it peers, am I looking for acceptance in this new world of climbers I am now a part of. But that doesn't fit with my personality I have never really gone after a crowd or tried to hard to fit in, so it doesn't make sense that I'd be trying to climb hard to fit in. I've always been an easily distracted person but somehow I spent 7 years dedicated to playing guitar and I've recently been training for a half marathon. As a guy with very little natural musicality and rhythm it took me years before I could even play in time, now I am at University studying Music. As an asthmatic I was always terrible at running, but now after 2 years I can run 13 miles with relative ease. These things share a pattern that I was terrible at them to start with, but some part of my brain wouldn't let them lie and kept working at them until it deemed them to be an acceptable level. I didn't think I did but I must like to push myself, I like to try things that seem really hard, then when you do them it just makes sense and the feeling of accomplishment is unparalleled.
 |
| Post Half Marathon Photo Carol Foster |
So where I am at at the moment is a critical moment, my music for some reason in my head has taken a back seat so my brain can focus on something that I completely suck at. Its this motivation this want for something better that I think drives me to climb, its what makes me frustrated when I can't do something, its what makes me stand around in the rain until I've sent a route. It can't just be the world I've grew up in as I was never competitive and never raised to win, it must be something I've inherited the need to be better than I am, the strive for self improvement. I like to think of myself as the worlds laziest most determined perfectionist. I am always to trying to improve myself it might not be noticeable even to me, but somewhere in my head something is squirrelling away trying to go from crappy to scrappy to good. So I wonder if it is my want to prove something to myself that drives me, will my motivation for climbing decrease once I reach a certain level, only time will tell. Although I seem unmotivated for my music when I am not working on my pieces but messing around and exploring I still get a sense of joy. I think its that sense of discovery and creativity that makes me enjoy playing guitar and enjoy climbing. Its that sense of adventure that moves me and gives me the short attention span, it means I struggle to sit down and learn something. I want that sense of adventure that you get from discovering a new lick or sending a route, I enjoy the journey from impossible to possible. I am a result of adventurous genetics and adventurous upbringing. My motivation may change but I'll always be the worlds laziest most determined perfectionist that's who I am.
Sorry there hasn't been much climbing in this blog but I hope it makes you think about your motivation.Thanks for letting me indulge myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment